HIGH-GOD-DAMNED-FALUTIN' SHIT!

Some of the most expensive coffee in the world is made of coffee beans harvested out of wild cat shit.

Kopi Luwak coffee is about $200 a pound.

Now... I've had a lot of coffee that TASTES like cat shit, but I'm pretty sure it was actually made from coffee beans that HAVEN'T been run through a wild animal. Maybe animal shit is what's needed to improve the unequivocal diarrhea known as Folgers.

So how much longer until rich people are actually eating shit? Settling in at high-falutin' cocktail parties, sipping on a tea cup of Llama diarrhea while discussing their yachts and investments?

"Gourmet" may actually be French for "suckers." I'm talking about things like caviar and moldy cheese- an excitement of flavors, to be sure. And please don't assume I haven't experienced these things- and if someone offered me a cup of wild cat shit coffee, I would probably try it (after all- that cup is probably $15.) But the cost, sheer ridiculousness and overt lack of common sense involved in pausing one day, seeing something blast out of a fish's hind end and saying, "Hey- a whole bunch of fish embryos... I think I'll put that on a water wafer and serve it at my high society party!" cannot be overlooked.

Really, high-class food in other countries is even more insane- bugs, snakes, brains... actually, watch Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom to get an idea, just mind the questionable ethnic hokum.

Today I was walking down the sidewalk and saw a bunch of little dog poo nugglets surrounded by an assortment of frilly toothpicks.

Either someone saw a bunch of poo chunks while carrying frilly toothpicks, was alarmed and flung them all about, or, as I believe, this was actually exotic monkey shit that had been set up on a swanky silver serving platter to be taken to a high society party, when someone stumbled and spilled it all over Montrose Ave.

Somewhere out there, I'm certain there's a bunch of rich people eating animal shit right this second.

In fact, after learning about cat poop coffee, I couldn't be MORE certain.