FRIDAY THE 13TH- SPECIAL EDITION
Everybody knows slasher movies are stupid. But as someone who grew up when they were still developing all their now-stereotypical characteristics, an alarming fact only recently dawned on me: most of the maniacal, un-killable killing machines of the 1980s are- in fact- retarded.
By retarded, of course I mean certifiably mentally handicapped. Think about poor old Jason, a deformed, slow kid the other kids openly mocked who couldn't swim turned unstoppable machete wielding murderer. Or Leatherface- undoubtably inbred to the point of simpleton, just longing for another human's touch. How about Michael Myers? OK- so he wasn't retarded (probably- They didn't get into that angle quite as overtly) but it goes without saying he was not all well and good upstairs.
I find this all more than a little disconcerting. What's so scary about retarded people? Or the mentally ill? In my experience, they're nice, friendly folk- not super-human, sharp-implement toting murderers hell-bent on decapitating drunk, nude teens.
Why is this factored into the suspension of disbelief- the "Oh that's just part of the movie" in slasher movies, whereas, say, an entire string of franchises based around mentally deficient superheroes seems ridiculous? It's not so far off- how many people really watch Friday the 13h movies and root for the irritating, vacuous teenagers that are swapped out for fresh every time the movie backers need more quick cash?
Watching the new bloated-budget Michael Bay-produced Friday the 13th re-make, I was amazed at how far we've managed to plunge the horror genre down the ever-circling box-office toilet. Though it's well established that the "villain" of the film was handicapped (I think he's a hero,) I had to wonder if just about every person who agreed to be involved with the movie was as well. It was terrible in a way that should reserved for movies made off-the-cuff, without a script, by bored high school kids in their parents' back yards after splitting a case of Old Milwaukee (of course, I'm not speaking from experience here.)
Of course, this was what I had expected. I have a sick urge to subject myself to terrible movies in the hopes that they will at least be funny. In this case, perhaps the only cathartic purpose in seeing such a colon clensing of a movie is to watch despicable people get arrows shot through their foreheads.
What was most alarming to me was hearing fresh reactions from audience members- screaming when you're supposed to scream, laughing when you're supposed to laugh, even though not a single frame could be described as scary or funny (OK- so some parts that weren't SUPPOSED to be funny were hilarious, but that's more laughing AT than WITH.)At one point, just as the music cues aptly gave away what was about to happen, you could actually hear the entire theater wait to react to what they all knew was coming, in unison- screaming just to scream, but only at the socially-acceptable, designated moment...
Congratulations, America- we've become the robot workers in Metropolis, only none among us has the good sense to revolt.
Everybody knows slasher movies are stupid. But as someone who grew up when they were still developing all their now-stereotypical characteristics, an alarming fact only recently dawned on me: most of the maniacal, un-killable killing machines of the 1980s are- in fact- retarded.
By retarded, of course I mean certifiably mentally handicapped. Think about poor old Jason, a deformed, slow kid the other kids openly mocked who couldn't swim turned unstoppable machete wielding murderer. Or Leatherface- undoubtably inbred to the point of simpleton, just longing for another human's touch. How about Michael Myers? OK- so he wasn't retarded (probably- They didn't get into that angle quite as overtly) but it goes without saying he was not all well and good upstairs.
I find this all more than a little disconcerting. What's so scary about retarded people? Or the mentally ill? In my experience, they're nice, friendly folk- not super-human, sharp-implement toting murderers hell-bent on decapitating drunk, nude teens.
Why is this factored into the suspension of disbelief- the "Oh that's just part of the movie" in slasher movies, whereas, say, an entire string of franchises based around mentally deficient superheroes seems ridiculous? It's not so far off- how many people really watch Friday the 13h movies and root for the irritating, vacuous teenagers that are swapped out for fresh every time the movie backers need more quick cash?
Watching the new bloated-budget Michael Bay-produced Friday the 13th re-make, I was amazed at how far we've managed to plunge the horror genre down the ever-circling box-office toilet. Though it's well established that the "villain" of the film was handicapped (I think he's a hero,) I had to wonder if just about every person who agreed to be involved with the movie was as well. It was terrible in a way that should reserved for movies made off-the-cuff, without a script, by bored high school kids in their parents' back yards after splitting a case of Old Milwaukee (of course, I'm not speaking from experience here.)
Of course, this was what I had expected. I have a sick urge to subject myself to terrible movies in the hopes that they will at least be funny. In this case, perhaps the only cathartic purpose in seeing such a colon clensing of a movie is to watch despicable people get arrows shot through their foreheads.
What was most alarming to me was hearing fresh reactions from audience members- screaming when you're supposed to scream, laughing when you're supposed to laugh, even though not a single frame could be described as scary or funny (OK- so some parts that weren't SUPPOSED to be funny were hilarious, but that's more laughing AT than WITH.)At one point, just as the music cues aptly gave away what was about to happen, you could actually hear the entire theater wait to react to what they all knew was coming, in unison- screaming just to scream, but only at the socially-acceptable, designated moment...
Congratulations, America- we've become the robot workers in Metropolis, only none among us has the good sense to revolt.
posted by Pete Klockau at 7:29 PM
1 Comments:
Haven't seen it, or the remake of My Bloody Valentine. I have this morbid loyalty to anything I saw in my youth, but you hit the nail on the head with most of these "re-imaginings." I wouldn't even give us Metropolis credit - we've done our damnedest to resemble the zombies from the original Dawn of the Dead. (Or maybe even the re-make)
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