WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS...COMES BACK TO BITE YOU ON THE ASS

Las Vegas is really, really gay.

Immediately after stepping off the plane in Vegas, I realize this, coming face-to-face with billboards for Elton John, Cher, Bette Midler, and a whole assortment of wet tights and pseudo-fellatio Cirque Du Soleil acts. Factor in old standbys like the Liberace Museum and Sigfried & Roy (don't worry- they'll get back up on that white tiger...) and you've got one big crazy gay place.

But then I see a sign with a woman in a bikini and a headband wielding a machine gun that says "LAS VEGAS GUN EMPORIUM: COME IN AND SHOOT A REAL MACHINE GUN!"

So not only is it way, super gay, it's also alarmingly heterosexual, with all the clubbin', bettin', machine gun stores and 'live nude girls' (the dead nude girls are easier to exhibit, FYI.) AND prostitution is legal AND you can drink outside. So in Vegas, if you're one rough and rugged lady-lovin' dude, whilst walking PAST the Cirque du Soleil Tight-Rope Dolphin Humping Spectacular, you can drink scotch on the sidewalk, take a cab over to the Machine Gun Emporium to fire automatic weapons, and top it off with some prostitutes. Now THAT's the Yul Brenner form of heterosexuality right there- no fuckin' around.

I've never been to Vegas, so this is all new to me. I've heard things, so I certainly had an idea what to expect, but- much like my first visit to New Orleans a year ago- I am amazed with how comfortably the incredibly blatant homosexuality rubs elbows and knees and every other bodily protrusion with unspeakably right-up-front heterosexuality all in the same block. And in most cases, you've got a ton of crossover in clientele between the two extremes. Because y'know what? It's all the same urge when you get down to it, it's just a matter of who yer pointing yer unspeakables at at the end of the night.

It's truly amazing, watching people at their most base level...

Come to Vegas- drink a bunch, win a bunch of money (if you can), and (if yer game), fuck a whole bunch, or watch other people fuck a whole bunch. And bring the family!

But even going in with a level headed, logical approach, the whole thing is pretty damn cool by me.